Self Development and Fashion

Unhealthy shopping habits

Who is guilty of shopping when they’re feeling a bit low?

Whether it’s for clothes, shoes, bags or Interiors, emotional shopping is a thing and we ALL do it.

I know when i’m feeling a bit anxious or the comparison starts to creep in, shopping is my go to as it’s not only a distraction but it’s like a drug. A quick fix that spikes the happy hormones and gives me feelings of happiness and well being.

But, like any other drug, it’s short lived. Which is why a shopping habit needs to be managed in the same way as we manage our drinking or smoking.

Now don’t get me wrong, I truly believe that we all deserve a little reward every so often. And if that is a new pair of Louboutins or a gorgeous piece of knitwear, then you go for it. We all love and deserve nice things in our lives. But just like crack, shopping can become an addiction!

So my tips…

Go through your wardrobe and really look at what you have. Do you have 10 pairs of jeans but only wear a couple of pairs? Do you have a rail of dresses that you hardly wear. Or do you have so much knitwear that your drawers are bulging and you forget what you actually have in there. If the answer is yes, then you need a wardrobe refresh. A personal stylist can help or you can do it yourself. Go through your wardrobe section by section and make a pile of keep, donate, sell, maybe’s. Be really truthful about what you do and don’t wear. If anything doesn't evoke good feelings and make you feel fabulous, then get rid! Selling is a great idea, as you can make a bit of cash and then spend it on something that you really love.
Keep a Wishlist of items that you covet and instead of mindlessly shopping for items that you don’t really need or love, refer back to your list and remind yourself of the items you really want and that will add something to your existing wardrobe. Save up for something special that will mean something and that makes you feel amazing.
If you find yourself scrolling websites at night (this is my downfall) then put your phone in another room, distract yourself and ask yourself, so I really need this item? Do I have anything similar? Will it add anything to my wardrobe? If the answer is no - move on. If anything does make it into your basket, sleep on it and see if you feel the same way in the morning. More often than not I don’t and I’m relieved I didn’t spend the money.
Social media doesn't help, I know and I understand. If anything or anyone is triggering you or you think you have to buy into a brand or item to be relevant or cool, then just step away. Turn off social media for a bit.
Whatever you do, don’t buy at 3am - middle of the night spending is never a good idea.

Self Development

This year I have been making a conscious effort to work on myself through journalling and self development books. I listen to the podcast ‘The Law of Attraction Changed my Life’ regularly and I attended a 3 hour goal setting workshop on New Years Day, plus I have joined a bookclub which is all on self development books - I mean who even am I?

A few years ago this would not have been me. I was the one who would laugh at any shit like this, call it mumbo jumbo and turn my nose up. But more fool me. Fast forward a few years and I’m loving it. I’ve really seen the benefits of surrounding myself and listening to positive people with inspiring stories to tell.

One of my closest friends Hayley Southwood runs an incredible networking group like no other that is full of inspiring women running their own businesses and bossing the hell out of life. Hayley herself has an amazing story of how when she lost her mum over 10 years ago, she swore she would live her life to the fullest and make every moment count. With hard work and determination, she has manifested a life of abundance and joy and is a beautiful person through and through. A friend I am truly grateful for.

Surrounding myself with people like Hayley has helped me focus on my own happiness and what things I need to work on. I am, for the most part, a happy, positive, friendly, focused woman. But like anyone, obtrusive thoughts and negative feelings can weed their way in and make me feel comparison, despair, hopelessness and stress. Getting older hasn’t helped with that, as hormonal imbalances, changes to my body, feeling invisible and just general peri-menopausal anxiety is a real head fuck. But this is even more reason to really focus on manifesting a life to feel joyful about.

Whether it’s practicing gratitude or just giving myself the space and time for reflection, I have definitely noticed a positive difference in myself. Any negative thoughts, comparison or self criticism that starts to penetrate my thoughts, I am now able to quickly flip into more positive thoughts. Instead of spiralling into a web of despair about where my life is going, I feel lighter, more positive and truly grateful for everything I have. Of course, this is a work in progress and I am not saying I never feel low or stressed or feel the pressures of life weighing on me. But I do feel able to get myself out of a low slump and flip those thoughts into really positive ones about the future.

Exercise and diet is a massive stumbling block for me and it’s something I am determined to sort out this year. However I refuse to put pressure on myself because I know when I start to do this, any slip up or lack of will power results in a feeling of failure which in turn leads to catastrophic results.

Scientific research has shown that when humans succeed in something they release testosterone and dopamine and when this success is repeated again and again, it makes us smarter, more confident and more likely to succeed in the future. This is called the Winner Effect.

This is amazing, but unfortunately the opposite is also true. The more we fail at something, the more likely we are to fail repeatedly and a lot of the time this failure is even more of a disaster. However, failure is how we perceive it. We need to reframe our thoughts so that we’re not dwelling on our failures but rather looking at what we have learned, what opportunities it brought or how strong we were at dealing with it. Of course, this is easier said than done, but the brain is a muscle and with constant work, we can absolutely train our thoughts so that instead of failure and low self worth becoming the norm, we change our habits to self love and positivity.

So what I have been actively trying to do this year is set positive and realistic goals and celebrate every single win even if something doesn’t go the way I planned.

I am also reading The Magic by Rhonda Byrne at the moment, which is a 28 day gratitude journal that focuses on thanking the universe for the little or big things in our lives. Every morning I think of 10 things to be grateful for and write them down. The first few days were easy -

I’m grateful for my health
I’m grateful for my children
I’m grateful for my home etc etc

But now on day 21, it’s getting harder and harder to think of 10 different things, I have to really delve deep and start thinking of the smaller things that at first seem trivial, but actually really make a difference to my life. So things like -

I’m grateful for the barista in the coffee shop who always shows me kindness and has a friendly smile every morning to brighten my day.
I’m grateful for the refuse collectors who work tirelessly to collect my rubbish every week.

It’s a brilliant book. A bit ‘American’, if you know what I mean, but with all the fluffy writing aside, the exercises really help focus your mind and celebrate all the amazing things in your life. Gratitude can really help to change your way of thinking to live a more positive and happy life.

So back to fashion.

Clothing, accessories, Interiors… whatever it is, they can absolutely help us with our mood. Feeling good in our clothing or having a lovely home full of items that bring us joy is important to our well being and sense of self. Rewarding ourselves with a new winter coat or a beautiful bag when we’ve saved up for it or achieved a goal, is a lovely thing to do and is a self love action that we deserve. But when those items are trying to replace something that’s missing in our lives, then that’s when we maybe need to step back and work on what’s causing that inner pain rather than try to disguise it with shiny new things. When a shopping habit becomes problematic, then all we are left with is less money in the bank and the same feelings of emptiness as before.

So, my goals for the year in relation to my wardrobe is this…

Streamline! Only keep the items that fill my heart with joy and that make me feel good.
No late night scrolling or buying.
Stick to my wish list and only buy items I truly love and add value to my wardrobe.
Sell and/or donate my old clothing.

My goals for working on myself include…

Keep reading self development books and journalling daily
Come to terms with things I cannot change
Be kind to myself and make time for acts of self love like regular massages, walks, exercise etc
Surround myself with positivity and inspiration (that includes people)
Travel more

This blog has been a bit of a brain dump of my journey into self development and if you’re still with me, then thank you for reading. I find that mid life is a very difficult time of life, especially for women. We are going through so many changes whether that’s our bodies or changes at home with kids leaving home etc. It’s huge. Getting older is a privilege but it’s still bloody hard.

Below are some recommendations of books and podcasts and resources that I have either found helpful or other people have recommended to me.