Acceptance
‘Accept the things you can’t change’
Over the past few years i’ve tried to come to terms with the fact that i’m getting older. My looks which have always served me throughout my younger years, are slowly disappearing, my memory is fucked and the grey hairs are multiplying. It’s been really difficult, actually, to accept and i’ve wanted to fight against it with every inch of my being, But I’ve finally given in to the admission that I can’t turn back time.
It’s taken facing up to this inevitability that has opened my eyes to just how much society dislikes the ageing process. Especially in women. We’re constantly being told to reduce wrinkles, cover up greys, appear younger and fight ageing. We’re sold the idea that ageing is a disease, something we need to hide or be ashamed of. We’re told these lies over and over again until we believe them. The negative stereotypes of middle aged and older women is written over and over again. You just need to go into a card shop and you see it plastered all over the birthday cards. Jokes about saggy tits, not having any stamina, wrinkles, loss of hearing, loss of memory, loss of fucking everything! It’s a constant stream of ageist abuse that is hurled at us so subliminally, that we just laugh with it. Until one day it hits us square in the face.
It’s no wonder women in the workplace are fearful about their future and often hide their age from their colleagues. Women have had to deal with sexism all their lives and now combined with ageism, many of us feel marginalised and victimised in the working environment. I feel lucky that I work from home to be honest.
And for any men reading this (I doubt it, but just in case) who are quietly muttering ‘its the same for men too’. Yes of course men experience ageism, but generally men are seen to get better with age, the slight splattering of greys at the temple are sexy, cute, distinguished. Their experience in the workplace gives them power and recognition. Women have to deal with the unending wrath of society telling us that with every grey hair, every wrinkle, every visible sign of ageing, our credibility and worth diminishes. Those years of juggling family and work, putting in the hard work and expertise while getting paid less than their male counterparts, to then be pushed out and made to feel inadequate, is simply not on any level the same for men.
Ageism in fashion and beauty has always been there due to the industry fetishising about youth. This has perpetuated even more the idea that getting older is something to be feared. The fact that the age group who spend the most on hair and beauty is 50-64 year olds followed by 65-74 year olds seems to be lost on marketers! While I wholly accept that Millennials and Gen Xers are spenders, I just want brands to acknowledge that we spend, we are loyal and we deserve representation.
But… back to Acceptance. It’s through acceptance, self love and sheer determination and belief in ourselves that we can fight against this ridiculous stereotype and judgment. The amount of 40plus women who have started their own businesses has soared over the years. Plus- and get this - statistically older entrepreneurs have a higher success rate that the younger ones. Why? Because we have more life experience, our performance rises significantly around this age and we have the drive to prove ourselves especially after children or having a career break due to family commitments.
I think the key is to be vocal about what we want and what we can offer. We need to find awareness in ourselves and focus on what is important to us and what we care about. Find the joy in our surroundings, in our work, in our hobbies. Bollocks to doing what we think everyone wants us to. This is our time and we should be doing it our way.
It begins with acceptance.
Accepting that we can’t turn back the clock and that age doesn’t define us.
Accepting that women of ALL ages are worthwhile and have something to bring to the table.
Accepting that those wrinkles and grey hairs are signs of wisdom, knowledge, laughter, suffering, memories and life.
Accepting that time is precious and that time is ours.
I’m going to be more accepting of who I am right now. How about you?
